Company Needs Misery

ramblings of a beast

Management update

Posted on | September 21, 2010 | No Comments

Our heroine is absolutely bonkers as of late. She is caught up in a whirlwind of everything and nothing all mixed into one making for…for…well, a whole lot of confusion in her head. In order to keep focused (cough), she is spending a large amount of time playing her video game. She claims it is not to increase her odds of getting a “hat” in the game, but an outside observer might think otherwise. An outside observer might think she’s gone stark raving mad if they were observing her, but that’s besides the point.

She hopefully will return shortly in a calm and more “normal” fashion with joyous updates and photos and book reviews and all the other boring drab she normally posts.

Thank you.

-The Mgt.

On the edge…

Posted on | September 14, 2010 | Comments Off

She still felt as if she were on the edge, but not quite there. She had so much pent up inside her. She thought about the words that were texted to her a few days ago… “I’ve snapped”… and she knew exactly how he felt. Although perhaps she hadn’t quite snapped, perhaps she was just bent really far, like when you are breaking the bottoms off asparagus, that point right before it breaks off. She was just bent. Seriously bent.

She was also in one of those phases of not really accomplishing anything which makes most matters surrounding her worse but once again, she was seriously bent so she couldn’t quite do anything right. She sighed as she thought about how things were supposed to be. Or maybe they weren’t supposed to be that way. Maybe this is exactly how things were supposed to be.

She looked outside at the green leaves of the trees and hung on to that image knowing that soon they would fall.

Blocks and Stuff…

Posted on | September 13, 2010 | Comments Off

Blocks and rocks and white fluff and stuff…Her head was filled with fleeting thoughts of things she wished she could form into magical paragraphs for the page but alas, she could not. Something was holding her back. She wasn’t ready yet. She felt restrained. She was angry, and she was holding onto that. She was sad, and holding onto that too. She was probably going to explode at some point. Hopefully it would be onto the page and would result in a wonderful masterpiece of an entry that would astound everyone with her creativity. Ha!

Summer was nearing an end, though she hung onto it by refusing to give in to a “fall color” when selecting a polish for her pedicure. Lavender it would be, and they looked marvelous. Hopefully the warm days would hang on a bit longer…and the trees would keep their leaves for a little while. She was really not looking forward to the skeletal trees again. So depressing.

She did begin knitting to keep her hands busy when she just couldn’t write or read or focus on anything else. She was definitely upset. She needed to keep the monsters at bay. She kept trying to remember that another person’s words cannot harm you and unless you LET them. Sure…

Playing Medic…

Posted on | September 3, 2010 | 1 Comment

So if she couldn’t do the real thing thanks to her injury, she could play one in a video game online. She wasn’t half bad. At least she kept telling herself that. Team Fortress 2 had definitely caught her attention as of late. It was the only thing to keep her mind off of the sadness. This time of year was hardest for her, and this year was particularly difficult after a rather explosive attack from an unexpected real life monster. But she handled it with as much grace as possible and she was proud of herself. She had a lot to be proud of and grateful for. She knew that.

Management Update

Posted on | August 24, 2010 | Comments Off

Our heroine has not fallen off the face of the Earth, though she has felt like the weight of the Earth has fallen on her. She’s looked cruelty in the eye and can tell us all, it is ugly. Very, very ugly. But that which doesn’t make us stronger just pisses us off more and makes us more creative in our game play.

She’ll be back soon.

-The Mgt.

The Dunes

Posted on | July 27, 2010 | Comments Off

Some things should never be taken for granted…

Posted on | July 25, 2010 | Comments Off

Air conditioning was definitely one of them. She was very pleased to have the A/C back up and running. She took a moment to think of those who were less fortunate and to be really grateful for all that she had. Loony or not, she was very blessed.

Today she would sit in the shade by the pool, reading a book about Russell T Davies, and try to enjoy the day. Perhaps she could get lost in what she was doing and not worry about the future, not think about the past, maybe even not feel the pain.

When it rains it pours…

Posted on | July 24, 2010 | Comments Off

But it wasn’t raining. Rain would be nice as it would lower the temperature a bit and make the day more bearable. The guys from the A/C company had come and had bad news involving short circuits and circuit breakers tripping and potential fire hazards and $3500 replacements. Another guy was on the way with a new compressor unit thingy whatever, but he was stuck in traffic…and had been for well over an hour. It seemed to be getting hotter and hotter and unless sitting directly in front of the Vornado, one could not say it was anywhere near comfortable in the house. If anyone had any brains at all they’d be at the pool, but for some reason everyone wanted to stay for the arrival of the new A/C like it was some epic event. She really wondered if she wasn’t the only loony one in the house after all.

And to top off matters when she went hunting for an extension cord in the foyer closet, the bar and all the coats hanging on it collapsed onto her. Nothing like being attacked by a bunch of winter coats during the middle of a heat wave when one has neck pain. This would really be a good time to sink into the pool…and stay at the bottom. (Relax, there’s a lifeguard even if she attempted such a horrid thing.)

The A/C guys were now lost…figures. But at least they’d made contact. Now if she could just have dinner magically appear, her pain meds actually work, and some world peace thrown in. . .


Posted on | July 24, 2010 | Comments Off

The moisture on her body was a reminder that the air conditioner that she’d grown so used to was now most definitely not working and the temperature in the house was getting closer to meeting that of outside the house, a record breaking high 90 something that “felt like” 100 something with the humidity. She “felt like” she was in a terrarium as the sun beat down on her from the skylight, the same skylight she stared out during the winter, begging the trees to grow leaves and bring life to the world surrounding her.

Nothing like some heat to add to her pain and the myriad of other complaints in her life. Oh she had so much to be grateful for she knew, but she still hurt and she still was nuts. Now where the heck was the A/C guy? And why did the air have to go out on a weekend when the price would be higher?

She thought a lot about how much easier it would be to get lost in a story, but she hadn’t had the time. So many people in the house, so much chaos. So much pain. She hated how it interfered with everything, like a true source of evil trying to invade your soul. It takes away the ability to enjoy anything, and the timing of this was the worst. She needed to be present, not trying to just get by. It made her angry. It made her think of why she was like this. It made her wish things were different even though she knew no matter how much she wished nothing would be different come morning.

This was it. Deal.

Where. The. Hell. Was. The. A/C. Guy???

Learning a new song

Posted on | July 20, 2010 | Comments Off

She’d been struggling, there was no doubt of that. But it would get worked out somehow. She just had to keep believing it would.

A guitar played in the background, fingers danced over it learning a new song for the first time, yet still producing music she found soothing. It was beautiful to listen to, perhaps a special gift reserved for mother and child, though she didn’t think so. There was talent there, the kind where it sounded nice even when it wasn’t “just right.”

She didn’t look forward to the trip to the grocery store or the dinner she would have to prepare though she thought perhaps she was “supposed” to. She could only assume it was the months away each year that made it awkward and not the “routine” it would be if things were different.

She wished her talking dog was here to help…to at least talk to if not help with the dishes. Even a visit from The Worm Guy would be nice. Her imagination was lost somewhere in the tornado of medications she was now on. She was dizzy and sleepy and sometimes a bit confused… oh and always a bit loony.

What she did know is that being something for six weeks of the year and then not being it for the rest of the year is hard.

The music in the background was so beautiful, she so wished her own guitar lessons hadn’t ended in frustration, tears and failure all those years ago. At least she had this wonderful new hope of things to come to listen to…

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